Featured Article: Christian Contemplation Leads Us to Community

There are many misconceptions surrounding contemplative prayer, and perhaps one of the most damaging has been the belief that contemplative prayer is self-centered or self-emptying, disconnecting us from others. However, the Christian contemplative tradition aims to make us more aware of God’s loving presence.

For Christians, God is a loving trinitarian relationship that we participate in because of our adoption by Jesus. Contemplative prayer helps us clear away distractions in order to be more fully present for God’s love, and once we have been impacted by God’s love, we are in a better position to love and serve others. In fact, the desert fathers and mothers were often sought out for their wisdom and advice. Their greatest ministry followed their solitude and contemplation!

In this featured blog post, Carl McColman shares how contemplation has become distorted in some circles as a purely individual pursuit and then offers helpful clarification:

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“Christian mysticism actually involves relationship in its most intense form — because it is a trinitarian expression of relationship: relationship with God, relationship with self, relationship with others. All three are necessary for Christian mysticism. For Christians, all three forms of love are necessary for contemplation.”

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“It’s a paradox: we retreat into the inner room (including the solitude of silent prayer) not to escape from relationships, but rather to deepen relationships: all relationships (with God, self, and others). When we directly cultivate our relationship with God (as we do during contemplative prayer), we are simultaneously cultivating our capacity for authentic care of self and compassionate love of others. We are called into the silence but then led out of the silence, a rhythm similar to all the great rhythms of life: breathing in/breathing out, the heart beating/resting; work and Sabbath, day and night, summer and winter. Life is an alternating current: and so is the mystical life. We sink into solitude only to be sent forth into relationship.”

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Read more…

 

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Featured Article: The Real Reason You Procrastinate

Whether we struggle with distractions during prayer or while trying to work, the same root cause is often at work: procrastinating. We procrastinate because of the lure of instant gratification and the emotional difficulty of digging into big or intimidating projects.

I found this analysis of the roots of procrastination and the ways to fight back truly helpful. Most importantly, this is a compassionate article that invites us to confront the emotions and impulses that drive many of our decisions and habits related to procrastination.

Thankfully, we can take some helpful steps forward today:

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Most psychologists see procrastination as a kind of avoidance behavior, a coping mechanism gone awry in which people “give in to feel good,” says Timothy Pychyl, a professor who studies procrastination at Carleton University, in Ottawa.

It usually happens when people fear or dread, or have anxiety about, the important task awaiting them. To get rid of this negative feeling, people procrastinate — they open up a video game or Pinterest instead. That makes them feel better temporarily, but unfortunately, reality comes back to bite them in the end

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Pychyl discusses the idea of the “monkey mind” — that our thoughts are constantly darting all over the place, preventing us from concentrating. And psychologists agree that the problem with procrastinators is that they are tempted to give in to instant gratification, which brings people the kind of instant relief psychologists call “hedonic pleasure,” rather than staying focused on the long-term goal.

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Interestingly, research suggests that one of the most effective things that procrastinators can do is to forgive themselves for procrastinating. In a study by Pychyl and others, students who reported forgiving themselves for procrastinating on studying for a first exam ended up procrastinating less for a second exam.

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Instead of focusing on feelings, we have to think about what the next action is, Pychyl says. He counsels people to break down their tasks into very small steps that can actually be accomplished. So if it’s something like writing a letter of reference, the first step is just opening the letterhead and writing the date.

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Read the rest…

 

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Featured Article: The Curious Blessing of Rejection

Author and blogger Tanya Marlow writes for the Mud Room about her journey to publication, and  the ways that rejection has been a blessing. I have found her experience to be very true for myself. If anything, I am grateful that so many of my grand plans and efforts were thwarted during the first five years of my writing career!

However, I’m also grateful that I kept writing and showing up at writing events even when I felt like a failure. Here are a few highlights from Tanya’s article:

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I’d always dreamed of being a writer as a child, and now this was my chance – my one chance. Now I could achieve something – not only that, I could prove myself and get the respect from others I craved; I could show to the world that I was actually qualified to do the work I’d already been doing for the last four years. I didn’t just want this book to be published, I needed it.

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We put so much of ourselves onto our goals, our projects, our dreams, that it can feel like our identity has crumbled when those projects aren’t realized.

The danger is, too, that we take the words of a rejection as a prophecy over us, taking them deep into the core of our personhood. All they had done was reject my idea for a book: I had taken it as a sign that I would never be a writer.

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The truth is those words of rejection don’t get to define us. We know not what the future holds, and it is a mistake to project the ‘now’ onto the ‘not yet’.

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Read the rest at The Mud Room.

 

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God Loves Imposters

Healthy spirituality and writing doesn’t require particular accomplishments or milestones in order to be accepted. While the fear of failing or being exposed as an imposter can drive us to do excellent work, we won’t find the peace of God or develop a healthy relationship with our work over the long term with that driving us. .

Christian spirituality teaches us that we are already loved by God, whether or not we are exposed as imposters. In fact, John focused his ministry on repentance because exposing our failures is the only path to freedom. We have to face our worst fears of being imposters and surrender ourselves to the generous, forgiving love of God.

The following article on the imposter syndrome offers some helpful tools for identifying imposter syndrome and ways to manage it.

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Studies show impostor syndrome is related to anxiety and intense fear of failure. So you race to keep up the facade… but when you work hard to make sure you’re not found out, it only reinforces the impostor belief.
You fooled them again. But next time you might not be so lucky.

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But now not only are you feeling bad and overworking but you’re also alone. You can’t tell anyone your “secret.” You feel like you can’t ask for help because you’ll look incompetent.
In the end, it’s exhausting. Working hard, afraid of being “found out” and not being able to turn to anyone is enormously stressful. Eventually you may see self-sabotage as the only way out.

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Focusing on improvement means you know you’re not perfect but you know you can get better. With that attitude, you can. And if you fail, hey, you learned something.
But focusing exclusively on performance goals means anything less than perfect is death. That’s incredibly stressful and pushes you to do things that are extreme, unhealthy and maybe unethical.

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Swarthmore professor Barry Schwartz says “good enough” is the secret to happiness and neuroscience studies agree.

Instead of doing everything to keep up this illusion that you’re perfect, accept that you’re not. Don’t build self-confidence, build self-compassion. Forgive yourself when you screw up. Research shows increasing self-compassion has all the benefits of self-esteem — but without the downsides.

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Read more…

 

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Why We Need Solitude, Especially for Creativity

Solitude and giving ourselves short breaks throughout the day for our minds to wander aren’t just healthy for our spiritual practices. They can also help us with our creative work. The following article from LifeHacker explores the research behind creativity, and the ways that we can nurture creative thinking.

The short version is that taking a walk can be extremely good for both your prayer practices and for your creative project!

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“What Barron found was that the most creative thinkers all exhibited certain common traits: an openness to one’s inner life; a preference for ambiguity and complexity; an unusually high tolerance for disorder and disarray (and vodka and orange juice if we’re talking about Capote); and the ability to extract order from chaos.”

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“From a social, cultural, and scientific standpoint, creativity seems to come more freely when we’re able to utilize the parts of our brain that are less connected to reality and more free flowing in nature.”

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“In almost every ‘system’ of creativity devised, the most important part of the process involves a letting go of your consciousness to let the deeper parts of your mind come in and make connections. Without incubation—that space away from direct thought—there is no Eureka!”

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“One of the traits that Barron found during his creativity study was that creative people are more introspective. But not only in the sense that they have an increased level of self-awareness, but that they also have a familiarity with the darker and more uncomfortable parts of their psyche.

You’ve probably read about the creative benefits of daydreaming, but one of the things that is rarely mentioned in these essays is the importance of uninhibited daydreaming—not letting your brain filter the thoughts coming into your head.”

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Read more…

 

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How Do We Examine Ourselves Hopefully?

It’s easy to be hard on ourselves when we try to evaluate how we’re doing. In fact, our harsh personal standards may even keep us from practicing personal examination and asking open-ended questions.

Author Emily Freeman recently wrote about both the pursuit of being at rest and how she examines herself. She hits on a really import point about the tone we use. While she began by thinking of rest as a matter of “If…”, she found that it was far more hopeful to think of “when” her soul is at rest.

Tone matters when we deal with ourselves. Hard questions are good, but we need to offer ourselves hope. Here’s what Emily writes:

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“If my soul were truly at rest, I would laugh more, I would stop making so many lists, I would be able to sit still for longer periods of time, I wouldn’t make decisions out of fear…

I would rather take out the “if” altogether and replace it with “when” –

When my soul is truly at rest, I laugh more, I stop making so many lists, I am able to sit still for longer periods of time, I don’t make decisions out of fear.”

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“Asking myself questions that matter are important for my own spiritual growth. But equally important is the tone I use when I ask the questions. I want to cast a hopeful vision, not weigh myself down with despair.”

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“I have experienced soul rest more completely now at 36 than I did at 28. I hope that continues to be true of me as I get older.”

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Read the rest and check out Emily’s bestselling books while you’re at it!

 

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How Exercising Helps Us Pray and Write

Don’t let today’s featured article about running and writing turn you away if you can’t fathom the practice of running daily. Nick Ripatrazone writes in The Atlantic about the benefits of running for writers and the ways that the flow of running connects with the flow of writing.

I have personally found that most of this article also applies to contemplative prayer. Both writing and prayer can thrive when we immerse ourselves in a simple, repetitive practice that allows our minds to be clear and our imaginations to wander.

Whether you walk, swim, bike ride, run, or do something else to exercise, your writing and your prayer will benefit over the long term. It may take a while to train your mind alongside your body, but I was personally shocked at all of the benefits I saw after only three months of running four days a week. Here are a few key quotes from Ripatrazone’s article:

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“In many ways running is a natural extension of writing. The steady accumulation of miles mirrors the accumulation of pages, and both forms of regimented exertion can yield a sense of completion and joy. Through running, writers deepen their ability to focus on a single, engrossing task and enter a new state of mind entirely—word after word, mile after mile.”

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“Once I built a tolerance for distance my runs became incubators for writing ideas. The steady, repetitive movement of distance running triggers one’s intellectual autopilot, freeing room for creative thought. Neuroscientists describe this experience as a feeling of timelessness, where attention drifts and imagination thrives.”

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“Writing exists in that odd mental space between imagination and intellect, between the organic and the planned. Runners must learn to accept the same paradoxes, to realize that each individual run has its own narrative, with twists and turns and strains.”

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Read more at The Atlantic.

 

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Why We Need the Restoration of Silence

I’m somewhere in the middle of the Highly Sensitive spectrum, so I’m very aware of how noise impacts my anxiety levels and ability to concentrate. However, some of the most recent research in neuroscience is finding that we don’t just need silence as a break from the noise. We need silence in order for our brains to process information and to more or less “recover” from the noise of life.

Studies are finding that children who grow up near airports, highways, and other noisy environments have higher levels of stress and tend to struggle to concentrate in school. Without down time, our brains become overloaded.

One of the most important benefits of practicing contemplative prayer has been a greater awareness of my mental state and when I need to take a break. Prayer is much easier when my brain isn’t spinning out of control! Here are a few helpful quotes from a LifeHacker article on the importance of silence:

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When the brain rests it is able to integrate internal and external information into “a conscious workspace,” said Moran and colleagues.

When you are not distracted by noise or goal-orientated tasks, there appears to be a quiet time that allows your conscious workspace to process things. During these periods of silence, your brain has the freedom it needs to discover its place in your internal and external world.

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It has been found that noise can have a pronounced physical effect on our brains resulting in elevated levels of stress hormones. The sound waves reach the brain as electrical signals via the ear. The body reacts to these signals even if it is sleeping. It is thought that the amygdalae (located in the temporal lobes of the brain) which is associated with memory formation and emotion is activated and this causes a release of stress hormones. If you live in a consistently noisy environment that you are likely to experience chronically elevated levels of stress hormones.

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According to the attention restoration theory when you are in an environment with lower levels of sensory input the brain can ‘recover’ some of its cognitive abilities. In silence the brain is able to let down its sensory guard and restore some of what has been ‘lost’ through excess noise.

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Read the rest of the LifeHacker article here.

 

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How Boundaries Help Our Faith and Families Thrive

A spiritual director once told me that the concept of having “balance” in your life is often unhelpful. If anything, striving for balance creates false expectations and sets us up for failure.

I have personally found it far more helpful to think in terms of words like “intentional,” “boundary,” and “sustainability.” We can find healthy spirituality and healthy relationships by intentionally scheduling our time with clear boundaries. Our relationships and spiritual practices need to be the guarded non-negotiables that we make so easy to pursue that we eventually turn to them as a matter of habit.

That isn’t an easy place to arrive at. I know it’s a struggle each week for me. However, the more I get used to my schedule and the more I set boundaries around my day, the more I can settle into these daily habits.

While I don’t love the title of this Fast Company article about work-life balance, it offers some helpful tips for arranging your priorities and creating healthy habits for your spiritual life and relationships. Here are a few tips to consider:

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“People who have managed to carve out a work-life balance that works for them don’t just wait to see what time is left over after work. They make a point of planning and booking time off to spend outside of work and powerfully guard this time. While emergencies happen and situations come up that need their attention at work on occasion, they strongly resist any intrusion on this time.”

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“People who maintain balance are able to turn off their electronic devices to enjoy quality uninterrupted time doing matters they enjoy. They realize that multitasking is a myth and focus on the task at hand. Having developed the ability to compartmentalize their time, they seek out moments to simply enjoy the experience and savor life. Often they have discovered meditation, music, physical activity, or some other interest that allows them to get away from the pressures of everyday life…”

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One other thing: If you asked me, most people could stand to get rid of their televisions, cancel cable, and see what happens for two months. I suspect you’ll end up having more conversations, reading more books, and having more time enjoyable activities. It’s so crazy that it just may work.

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Can Mindfulness Training Help You Pray?

How can I focus better when I pray?

Try practicing mindfulness.

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Mindfulness has long been practiced by Christian contemplatives from their days in the desert caves to the monasteries of Europe to John Wesley’s holiness club. You can find mindfulness in just about every religion, no one can claim this practice exclusively, and it’s even back by solid science. It’s also becoming increasingly popular in non-religious settings.

Those who teach mindfulness training in elementary schools note that simple meditation practices help our brains settle down so that we can focus on the present moment and the tasks before us. Perhaps Christians make the mistake of associating “mindfulness” practices with “Eastern” religions (I won’t get into whether Christianity is actually an Eastern religion or not… Ha.). The truth is that mindfulness can prove extremely useful for prayer.

Let’s begin with a look at what researchers have to say:

First we have to practice things deliberately, and then what happens — just like learning to play the piano or something like that — we practice and then with enough practice it becomes a habit. And the habits become character traits after a while.”

The most common complaint he hears from teachers (who are choosing MindUP as their professional development) is that they don’t have time for an extra program, the curriculum is already too big and hard to cover. Weresch sympathizes with that argument, but tells them that in his own experience the time spent on the front end tremendously improved the quality of learning throughout the day…

Teachers noticed benefits within a few weeks of practicing mindfulness in the classroom:

The real shifts in school culture came when they started implementing the program school-wide. Teachers now start class in the morning with a few breaths to help students feel present. The middle school has breathing exercises after passing periods. Penley described how kindergarteners used to come into their classroom for free breakfast while their teacher was already directing them to look at what she’d written on the board. Students were having a hard time learning that way because they didn’t feel settled or safe.

Now, teachers greet kids at the door and play soft music with the lights down; they talk about the practices the whole school is working on at that moment. In this low key environment, the teacher is taking roll and checking in on students.

Our environments matter. What we think about matters. The emotions we are feeling need to be detected and acknowledged.

Mindfulness teaches us that we don’t have to be at the mercy of our thoughts and emotions. We can become aware of what we are thinking and feeling. We can take deep breaths and focus on the immediate moment rather than the future or the past.

Most importantly, in the context of prayer and contemplation, we become aware of our thoughts and emotions in order to pray with greater clarity. Paul writes about taking every thought captive to obey Christ (2 Corinthians 10:5), and the simple practice of mindfulness helps us become aware of our thoughts and how they impact us. How else can we take thoughts captive if we don’t see them with complete clarity?

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For Reflection

Copy of Meditation April 20 2016

 

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